stalest joke competiition

[Cantmis]

[alex jj]

if adam and eve were chinese we would still be in paradise as they would have left the apple and ate the snake

[orangefox]

MALE PROCEDURE

1. Drive up to the cash machine.

2. Put down your car window.

3. Insert card into machine and enter PIN.

4. Enter amount of cash required and withdraw.

5. Retrieve card, cash and receipt.

6. Put window up.

7. Drive off.

FEMALE PROCEDURE

1. Drive up to cash machine.

2. Reverse and back up the required amount to align car window with the machine.

3. Set parking brake, put the window down.

4. Find handbag, remove all contents on to passenger seat to locate card.

5. Tell person on cell phone you will call them back and hang up.

6. Attempt to insert card into machine.

7. Open car door to allow easier access to machine due to its excessive distance from the car.

8. Insert card.

9. Re-insert card the right way.

10. Dig through handbag to find diary with your PIN written on the inside back page.

11. Enter PIN.

12. Press cancel and re-enter correct PIN.

13. Enter amount of cash required.

14. Check makeup in rear view mirror.

15. Retrieve cash and receipt.

16. Empty handbag again to locate wallet and place cash inside.

17. Write deposit amount in check register and place receipt in back of checkbook.

18. Re-check makeup.

19. Drive forward 2 feet.

20. Reverse back to cash machine.

21. Retrieve card.

22. Re-empty hand bag, locate card holder, and place card into the slot provided.

23. Give appropriate one-fingered hand signal to irate male driver waiting behind you.

24. Restart stalled engine and pull off.

25. Redial person on cell phone.

26. Drive for 2 to 3 miles.

27. Release Parking Brake.

[orangefox]

Q. Why are married injun women heavier than single injun women?

A. Single injun women come home, see what's in the fridge and go to bed. Married injun women come home, see what's in bed and go to the fridge.

[nos_specialist]

[nos_specialist]

[nos_specialist]

A person got a job as a reporter for a newspaper...he was instructed to keep his columns as short and concise as possible. So he went to check out his first story, apparantly a madman jumped over a womans backyard fence...where the woman was washing clothes..he raped her and then ran away..

The reporter's story in the paper the next day read..








Nut screws washer and bolts

[Cantmis]

[TG7788]

A man walks into a bar sits down and asks for a drink from the bartender and says "All lawyers are muffler bearings"
A man next to him says "Hey, that's offensive"
"Why you a lawyer?" The man replies
"No I'm an muffler bearing"....

[The Paleontologist]

What did Jesus use to pay for our sins?


Praypal

[Obi-Wan]

It's a new priest's first day in church and he has to listen to confessions. A woman goes to sit inside the booth and says: 'Forgive me, Father, for I have sinned. I gave my boyfriend a blowjob.'

The priest isn't sure what the punishment for blowjobs is, so he asks one of the altar boys about the bishop's punishments: 'Timmy, what does the bishop give for blowjobs?'

'Normally, he gives me a Mars bar.'

[yuv86]

lmaoooooo

[killercow]

What vehicle does a rastaman who jes smoke weed drive?

A hilux.

[killercow]

What vehicle does a rastaman who jes smoke weed drive?

A hilux.

[SmokeyGTi]

lolz at ATM joke

Ah take a haircut last week. I didn't really like it at first but then it started to grow on me..

[alex jj]

what is machel montano's favourite battery?.................................................xstatic batcap

who was the first carpenter?............................................................eve - she saw adam's wood

[orangefox]

A guy walks into a shop and says: "I'd like a gas cap for my KIA."
The owner thinks for a few seconds and replies: "Ok, that seems like a fair trade."

[orangefox]

A young boy looking for work asks a man for a job to do, and the man reply, with a thick ascent, "You can paint my porch for $50." A couple hours later the boy knocks on the door to collect his $50 and says, "By the way, that's not a Porsche, it's a Ferrari"

[fred1266]

lol

[ckboy]

DO you wanna know, how Jesus Fed the Multitude with 5 Bread and 2 Fishes?

well He Cut the ends of the bread....and he had, Endless bread...

as for the fish.....


















































































He tell dem it have more fish in d sea....






































































wah d @ss u expect d man to give dem everything so? geezz....

He cut off the tail and had fish no tale ... Lol

[ckboy]

DO you wanna know, how Jesus Fed the Multitude with 5 Bread and 2 Fishes?

well He Cut the ends of the bread....and he had, Endless bread...

as for the fish.....


















































































He tell dem it have more fish in d sea....






































































wah d @ss u expect d man to give dem everything so? geezz....

He cut off the tail and had fish no tale ... Lol

[vishnu2112]

Ah king wanted a red grandchild so he put out a notice stating that any1 who can screw his daughter an produce a red baby will have half his kingdom an his daughters hand in marriage. Indian man come make a brown baby. Negro man come make black baby. Chinee man come an make a red baby. King say chinee half is yours buy tell meh how u get ah red popo. Chinee smile an say" Me kno chinee me kno trick me use ketchup inside me iron."

[vishnu2112]

."

[vishnu2112]

....

[vishnu2112]

Two gay guys decide that they wana get married in hindu rites. So they hire a pundit an invite their close relatives. Almost to the end of the ceremony the pundit realises he never married a gay couole b4 an isnt sure hw to announce them. He tinks for a moment an comes uo wit d solution. After d religious ceremony ends he stands to announce them. He says" Ladies an gentlemen i nw pronounce these 2 men Bullaha and Bullahin.".

[orangefox]

Question: What’s the ideal breakfast setting?

Answer: You’re sitting at the kitchen table and your son is on the cover of the Wheaties box, your mistress is on the cover of Playboy, and your wife is on the back of a milk carton.

[orangefox]

What is the difference between girls aged:8, 18, 28, 38, 48, 58 and 68?

At 8 – You take her to bed and tell her a story.
At 18 – You tell her a story and take her to bed.
At 28 – You don’t need to tell her a story to take her to bed.
At 38 – She tells you a story and takes you to bed.
At 48 – You tell her a story to avoid going to bed.
At 58 – You stay in bed to avoid her story.
At 68 – If you take her to bed, that’ll be a story!

[Dat510man]

Why did the man throw the butter out the window????































to see butterfly!!!

[Dat510man]

Why did the man throw the butter out the window????































to see butterfly!!!

[The Unknown]

Ahhh shuks !!!!!!