stalest joke competiition

jeevdude199 · Postby **jeevdude199** » June 11th, 2011, 6:45 pm

Two cannibals are eating a clown. One says to the other:

'Does this taste funny to you ?'

mitsuboi · Postby **mitsuboi** » June 13th, 2011, 2:56 pm

‎A gay man and a female friend went out to a party, at the party they were dancing together, after 10mins of wining closely the woman turns to the man and say" ah thought yuh say yuh gay, how yuh Rooster get hard so" the gay man reply"wuh yuh expect after you dancing like ah "buttom"

rollingstock · Postby **rollingstock** » June 13th, 2011, 3:08 pm

^^^

yuh had mih laughing like a jammet in de office, good thing is i alone in here :lol:

cinco · Postby **cinco** » June 14th, 2011, 12:29 pm

Just saying my Wii and Xbox are both white neither of them stole my credit card information

mitsuboi · Postby **mitsuboi** » June 17th, 2011, 8:19 am

rollingstock wrote:^^^ yuh had mih laughing like a jammet in de office, good thing is i alone in here

Ppl does watch me like I mad too

Examples of stupid questions people can ask these days!!!!!!!!!

1. When people see you lying down, with your eyes closed they still ask:- Are you sleeping?
A: Naaa uno! I'm training to die!

2. When It's raining and someone notices you going out, they ask: - Are you going out in this rain?
A: No, I'm Goin out in the next one.

3. Your friend calls your home phone:- Where are you?
A: I'm At the bus stop!

4. They see you wet coming from the bathroom:- Did you just have a bath?
A: No, I fell in the toilet bowl! 8-|

5. You are standing right in front of the elevator on the ground floor and they ask:- Going up?
A: No, no, I am waiting for my apartment to come down and get me.

6. Your boyfriend comes to your house with a bunch of flowers. And you still ask him:- are those Flowers?
A: No baby! They r Carrots.

7. You're on the queue to buy tickets @ the cinema, a friend saw u & ask:- what are u doing here?
A: I'm here to pay my school fees.

ivar · Postby **ivar** » June 17th, 2011, 9:06 am

mitsuboi wrote:‎A gay man and a female friend went out to a party, at the party they were dancing together, after 10mins of wining closely the woman turns to the man and say" ah thought yuh say yuh gay, how yuh Rooster get hard so" the gay man reply"wuh yuh expect after you dancing like ah "buttom"

LMAO

keving MCc · Postby **keving MCc** » June 17th, 2011, 11:55 pm

why was the horse naked ????????

cause his jockey fell off

Bizzare · Postby **Bizzare** » June 18th, 2011, 12:09 am

Lol @ this page.

ismithx · Postby **ismithx** » June 21st, 2011, 9:09 pm

Bizzare wrote:Lol @ this page.

Lol @ this thread.

De Dragon · Postby **De Dragon** » June 21st, 2011, 11:46 pm

A man goes to a doctor and says "Doc,I getting ah sharp stabbing pain in meh eye whenever I drink coffee, what a gwaan?
Doc replies"take out de spoon cyathole"!

jeromey · Postby **jeromey** » June 22nd, 2011, 8:49 pm

on a 68 year old woman`s birthday she stripped herself of all her clothes and waited on her bed for her husband to come home,a little while later he arrived and found her in bed naked,he ask her what was this all about,she said ,`well today is my birthday and i am in my birthday suit`,he said,`well at least you could have ironed it.

jeromey · Postby **jeromey** » June 22nd, 2011, 9:00 pm

a 65 year old man went to the welfare office to get his bus pass but forgot his ids,the female clerk said,`sir there is`not anything i could do without id to verify age,`man,`sure there must be something you could do i`m a poor old man`,clerk `ok sir open your shirt, the man did so ,she took one look at his greyed chest hair and said ,you`re 65 and granted the bus pass,the man so excited went home and told his wife the story,`girl ah went down there without id and woman said open shirt and take one look at my chest and said pass granted`wife said well you could have pull down you pants you would have gotten disability grant.

kaylomilo · Postby **kaylomilo** » June 23rd, 2011, 3:05 pm

biggy82 · Postby **biggy82** » June 25th, 2011, 2:34 am

Real vacation complaints as posted on the Thomas Cook website:

1. "I think it should be explained in the brochure that the local store does not sell proper biscuits like custard creams or ginger nuts."

2. "It's lazy of the local shopkeepers to close in the afternoons. I often needed to buy things during 'siesta' time - this should be banned

3. "On my holiday to Goa in India , I was disgusted to find that almost every restaurant served curry. I don't like spicy food at all."

4. "We booked an excursion to a water park but no-one told us we had to bring our swimming costumes and towels."

5. A tourist at a top African game lodge over looking a water hole, who spotted a visibly aroused elephant, complained that the sight of this rampant beast ruined his honeymoon by making him feel "inadequate".

6. A woman threatened to call police after claiming that she'd been locked in by staff. When in fact, she had mistaken the "do not disturb" sign on the back of the door as a warning to remain in the room.

7. "The beach was too sandy."

8. "We found the sand was not like the sand in the brochure. Your brochure shows the sand as yellow but it was white."

9. A guest at a Novotel in Australia complained his soup was too thick and strong. He was inadvertently slurping the gravy at the time.

10. "Topless sunbathing on the beach should be banned. The holiday was ruined as my husband spent all day looking at other women."

11. "We bought' Ray-Ban' sunglasses for five Euros from a street trader, only to find out they were fake."

12. "No-one told us there would be fish in the sea. The children were startled."

13. "There was no egg slicer in the apartment..."

14. "We went on holiday to Spain and had a problem with the taxi drivers as they were all Spanish..."

15. "The roads were uneven.."

16. "It took us nine hours to fly home from Jamaica to England it only took the Americans three hours to get home."

17. "I compared the size of our one-bedroom apartment to our friends' three-bedroom apartment and ours was significantly smaller."

18. "The brochure stated: 'No hairdressers at the accommodation’. We’re trainee hairdressers - will we be OK staying there?"

19. "There are too many Spanish people. The receptionist speaks Spanish. The food is Spanish. Too many foreigners now live abroad'"

20. "We had to queue outside with no air conditioning."

21. "It is your duty as a tour operator to advise us of noisy or unruly guests before we travel."

22. "I was bitten by a mosquito - no-one said they could bite."

23. "My fiancé and I booked a twin-bedded room but we were placed in a double-bedded room. We now hold you responsible for the fact that I find myself pregnant. This would not have happened if you had put us in the room that we booked."

rollingstock · Postby **rollingstock** » June 25th, 2011, 6:30 am

^ not stale jokes but real friggin funny :rofl:

ismithx · Postby **ismithx** » June 25th, 2011, 8:14 pm

biggy82 wrote:Real vacation complaints as posted on the Thomas Cook website:

1. "I think it should be explained in the brochure that the local store does not sell proper biscuits like custard creams or ginger nuts."

2. "It's lazy of the local shopkeepers to close in the afternoons. I often needed to buy things during 'siesta' time - this should be banned
......

dem people reallll dumb.... :shock:

biggy82 · Postby **biggy82** » June 26th, 2011, 4:43 am

How do you expect kids to listen to their parents when:

-Cinderella stays out till midnight,

-Pinocchio does nothing but lie,

-Aladdin is the Prince of thieves,

-Batman drives at 320 miles an hour,

-Sleeping beauty is nothing but a Lazy cow,

-and Snow White lives with 7 men the little Slut!

biggy82 · Postby **biggy82** » June 26th, 2011, 4:51 am

The Lone Ranger was ambushed and captured by an enemy Indian War Party.The Indian Chief proclaims, "So, YOU are the great Lone Ranger ...In honour of the Harvest Festival,YOU will be executed in three days.."

"Before I kill you, I grant you three requests What is your FIRST request???"

The Lone Ranger responds, "I'd like to speak to my horse."

The Chief nods and Silver is brought before the Lone Ranger who whispers in Silver's ear, and the horse gallops away.

Later that evening, Silver returns with a beautiful blonde woman on his back.

As the Indian Chief watches, the blonde enters the Lone Ranger's tent and spends the night.

The next morning the Indian Chief admits .....he's impressed..

"You have a very fine and loyal horse, but I will still kill you in two days."

"What is your SECOND request???"

The Lone Ranger again asks to speak to his horse. Silver is brought to him, and he again whispers in the horse's ear.

As before, Silver takes off and disappears over the horizon.

Later that evening, to the Chief's surprise, Silver again returns, this time with a voluptuous brunette, more attractive than the blonde.

She enters the Lone Ranger's tent and spends the night.

The following morning the Indian Chief Is again impressed.

"You are indeed a man of many talents, but I will still kill you tomorrow."

"What is your LAST request ???"

The Lone Ranger responds,

"I'd like to speak to my horse, .... Alone."

The Chief is curious, but he agrees, and Silver is brought to The Lone Ranger's tent.

Once they're alone, the Lone Ranger grabs Silver by both ears, looks him square in the eye and says,

"READ MY LIPS!!!!"

FOR.... THE.... LAST... TIME...

"BRING POSSE"

ruffrider27 · Postby **ruffrider27** » June 26th, 2011, 8:54 am

man wanted to know wha mark buss in play whe all day long
no one knew,he asked and asked

during the night, making luv to his wife she mention "foreplay first"

jumping up with joy saying "a win a win"

rollingstock · Postby **rollingstock** » June 26th, 2011, 9:07 am

@ "bring posse" :lol:

keving MCc · Postby **keving MCc** » June 27th, 2011, 12:03 am

If sumbody post dis ahready ah srry

A blonde walked into a store to buy curtains.

She went up to the salesman and said, "I want those pink curtains to fit my computer screen.

The salesman mentioned, "Computers don't need curtains."

The blonde said, "Hellooo…. It have windows!"

homeboy · Postby **homeboy** » June 27th, 2011, 3:59 am

Man sitting at home on the veranda with his wife and he says, "I love you."

She asks, "Is that you or the beer talking?"

He replies, "It's me............. talking to the beer."

ivar · Postby **ivar** » June 29th, 2011, 8:49 am

A woman had just given birth to her twelfth baby when her doctor says,
"You've just had your twelfth baby Miss. What are you going to name this one?"

"Joe"

"But you named the last eleven Joe"

"Yeah its great. I say Joe go clean the room, they all go clean their room. I say Joe come for dinner, they all come for dinner."

"But what if you only want one of them?"

"Oh! Then I call them by their last name."

nizzmo · Postby **nizzmo** » June 29th, 2011, 11:07 am

Kyle and Murphy wnated a drink of punchin but didnt have any money between them.. they cud only raise a few dollars.
Murphy said ' hang on i have a plan'
He went next door to the butcher's shop and came out with on large sauage.
Kyle asked ' are u crazy, now we dont have any money'
Murphy replied ' dont worry just follow me'

He went into the bar where he ordered two glasses of puncheon
Kyle said ' now u've lost it. do you knw how much trouble we'll be in???
'Dont worry, i have a plan..'
and dwn with their drinks..

murphy said 'ok, I'll stick the sausage through my zipper and u go on ue knees and put it in ur mouth'

the bar man noticed them went crazy and threw them out..
They continued this Bar after Bar gettin more and more drunk, all for free...

at the 10th bar Kyle said 'i dont think i can drink anymore of this.. I'm drunk and my knees are killing me!.'

Murphy said ' how do you think i feel? i cant even remember which bar i lost the sausage in...

InsanityReigns · Postby **InsanityReigns** » July 7th, 2011, 9:31 am

Bin Laden's son was studing in an American school. Teacher asked him, " I have 4 apples, how can I share it among 5 children"

He answerd, "KILL ONE"

dan80 · Postby **dan80** » July 14th, 2011, 1:23 pm

bump

SmokeyGTi · Postby **SmokeyGTi** » July 14th, 2011, 1:47 pm

ruffrider27 wrote:man wanted to know wha mark buss in play whe all day long
no one knew,he asked and asked

during the night, making luv to his wife she mention "foreplay first"

jumping up with joy saying "a win a win"

Bizzare · Postby **Bizzare** » July 18th, 2011, 10:34 am

A pastor kept chickens on the church premises. One evening, a Rooster went missing. In church the next day, the pastor asked, "who has a Rooster?" All the men stood up. No, I meant who has seen a Rooster? All the women stood up. No I meant "who has seen a Rooster that is not their's"? Half of the women got up. "OH, for goodness sake! Who have seen my Rooster? All the choir girls stood up.

Postby **crazybalhead** » July 18th, 2011, 10:37 am

How yuh know when the a horse naked???

When the jockey fall off.

biggy82 · Postby **biggy82** » July 18th, 2011, 1:49 pm

Bizzare wrote:A pastor kept chickens on the church premises. One evening, a Rooster went missing. In church the next day, the pastor asked, "who has a Rooster?" All the men stood up. No, I meant who has seen a Rooster? All the women stood up. No I meant "who has seen a Rooster that is not their's"? Half of the women got up. "OH, for goodness sake! Who have seen my Rooster? All the choir boys stood up.

fixed for more laughs