stalest joke competiition

[jeepers]

what u call c rasta wearing glasses

















Rasta for eye



why did the turkey cross the road??











to prove he wasnt chicken.....



my mother sent ne in the market to buy fish











i came back and tell her all dead

all rite ah goin n sleep

[SmokeyGTi]

Two blondes walk into a building........ .. you would think at least one of them woulda see it







Guy goes into the doctor's.

Guy: Doc, I have a cricket ball stuck up my backside!
Doc: ...How's that?

[demented]

A man walks into his bedroom and sees his wife packing a suitcase.

He asks, "What are you doing?"

She answers, "I'm moving to Sydney. I heard prostitutes there get paid $400 for doing what I do for you for free

Later that night, on her way out, the wife walks into the bedroom and sees her husband packing his suitcase.

When she asks: where are you going..?

he replies,





"I'm coming too I want to see how you live on $800 a year".

[demented]

A woman was shopping at her local supermarket where she selected:

2 liters of low fat milk
a carton of eggs
2 liters of orange juice
a head of lettuce
half a dozen tomatoes
a 500g jar of coffee
a 250g pack of bacon



As she was unloading her items on the counter to be cashed.. A drunk standing behind her watched as she placed the items in front of the cashier. While the cashier was ringing up her purchases, the drunk calmly stated, " You must be single."

The woman was a bit startled by this proclamation, but she was intrigued by the derelict's intuition, since she was indeed single. She looked at her items on the counter and saw nothing particularly unusual about her selections that could have tipped off the Drunk to her marital status. Curiosity getting the better of her, she said, "Well, you know what, you're absolutely correct. But how on earth did you know that?"

The drunk replied, "Cause you're ugly."

[tbrgl]

ANYBODY KNOWS WHEN IS THE NEXT REGATTA.

[FugiTECH]

Howd You Know Jesus Was A Drag Racer? .........














































He Died On The Cross

[Advil]

A man walks into his bedroom and sees his wife packing a suitcase.

He asks, "What are you doing?"

She answers, "I'm moving to Sydney. I heard prostitutes there get paid $400 for doing what I do for you for free

Later that night, on her way out, the wife walks into the bedroom and sees her husband packing his suitcase.

When she asks: where are you going..?

he replies,





"I'm coming too I want to see how you live on $800 a year".

[area6]

three fellas a indian ,,african and chinee crash a plane and end up on an island\

so after about 3 months a eating food get scarce and it had nothing else to eat on the ialsnds except 4 canned food which they were saving

the indian man come an ddead of starvation and the chinee and african realize hera what they have to survive seperately so the african fella say hear what go and lok for soem supplies and come back and meet me hear and then i will go

so he only saying no no no cause beafore the man eat the caned food when he finally decided to go,,,1 week pass the chinee eh come ,,,two weeks pas,then finally a entire month pass and the african man starving,,,,,when he about to open a can a tattoo,,,,,start to walk in front of him so he pick up[ himself and gone to run it down when a spear fly outt of the bush and the chineee man run out and bawl,,,,SUUPPLLIIEESSSS

boodoom pum ching

[SmokeyGTi]

^^hoss, dat was the most difficult thing i ever had to read on tuner...


anyways:



Two man was walking dong de road and one fall dong!

[jeepers]

what do Winnie the pooh and John the baptist have in common?

they both have the same middle name

[jeepers]

When is it micheal jackson's bed time?


When the big hand touches the little hand

[nissanforever]

two ants lost in the forest....which ministry/ organization responsible for finding them?























Ministry of Finance (find ants)

[Zim]

When is it micheal jackson's bed time?


When the big hand touches the little hand

What's the difference between a fly & an elephant?


A fly can fly but an elephant can't elephant

[Jack the Ripper]

The blonde's car breaks down aand she takes it to the mechanic to get fixed.When he's done and the car's running fine,she asked him what the problem was...

He says "just sheit in the carburettor"



She says...










"How often do I have to do that?"

[ronsin1]

Bubba goes to the revival and listens to the preacher. After a while, the preacher asks anyone with needs to come forward and be prayed over. Bubba gets in line.

When it's his turn the preacher says, "Bubba, what you want me to pray about?"

Bubba says, "Preacher, I need you to pray for my hearing."

So the preacher puts one finger in Bubba's ear and the other hand on top of his head and prays a while.

After a few minutes, he removes his hands and says, "Bubba, how's your hearing now?"

Bubba says, "I don't know preacher, it's not until next Wednesday in Dallas.

[ronsin1]

What are the advantages of having an affair with a married woman?.







They give like hell. They do not yell. They do not tell. They do not swell and there are no wedding bells!
---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------


What do you say to a virgin when she sneezes?











Goes-in-tight!

---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Why was the two-piece bikini invented?











To separate the meat section from the dairy section

----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

[ImprezaDriver]

SO this baby seal walks into a bar and says...















*ouch!* my head!

[ronsin1]

Three men died on Christmas Eve and were met by Saint Peter at the pearly gates.

"In honor of this holy season," Saint Peter said, "You must each possess something that symbolizes Christmas to get into heaven."

The first man fumbled through his pockets and pulled out a lighter. He flicked it on. "It represents a candle," he said.

"You may pass through the pearly gates," Saint Peter said.

The second man reached into his pocket and pulled out a set of keys. He shook them and said, "They're bells."

Saint Peter said, "You may pass through the pearly gates."

The third man started searching desperately through his pockets and finally pulled out a pair of women's panties.

St. Peter looked at the man with a raised eyebrow and asked, "'And just what do those symbolize?"

The man replied, "These are Carol's."

[jeepers]

Back in the days,two man talking bout who have the latest car.One say boy I have ah March.De next one, say no ah have the latest one out....ah have ah December.

[mirror]

A chicken farmer went to a local bar, sat next to a woman and ordered a glass of champagne.
The woman perked up and said, "How about that? I just ordered a glass of champagne, too!"
"What a coincidence" the farmer said. "This is a special day for me. I am celebrating."
"This is a special day for me too, I am also celebrating," said the woman."
"What a coincidence!" said the farmer. As they clinked glasses he added, "What are you celebrating?"
"My husband and I have been trying to have a child and today my gynaecologist told me that I am pregnant!"
"What a coincidence!" said the man. "I'm a chicken farmer and for years all of my hens were infertile, but today they are all laying fertilized eggs."
"That's great!" said the woman, "How did your chickens become fertile?"
"I used a different Rooster," he replied.

The woman smiled and said, "What a coincidence!"

[mirror]

A little girl asked her Mom, "Mom, may I take the
dog for a walk around the block?"

Mom replies, "No, because she is in heat."

"What's that mean?" asked the child.

"Go ask your father. I think he's in the garage.

"The little girl goes to the garage and says, "Dad, may I take Belle for
a walk around the block?
I asked Mom, but she said the dog was in heat, and to come to you.

Dad said, "Bring Belle over here. He took a rag, soaked it with
gasoline, and scrubbed the dog's
backside with it to disguise the scent, and said "OK, you can now, but
keep Bell on the leash and
only go one time round the block.

The little girl left and returned a few minutes later with no dog on the
leash.

Surprised, Dad asked, "Where's Belle??"


The little girl said, "She ran out of gas about halfway down the block,
so another dog is pushing her home."

[ronsin1]

Two women are talking. The first one ask, “how do you know if a guy’s sperm count is high?" the second one replies, “you have to chew before you swallow!!"

[jeepers]

what kinda of shoes do Superman wear??




























Clarks

[joker]

what kinda of shoes do Superman wear??




























Clarks

AYE AYE ..... I COPYRIGHT THAT JOKE LONG TIME EH

[jeepers]

proof?evidence of this claim please

[ronsin1]

One afternoon, a wealthy lawyer was riding in the back of his limousine when he saw two men eating grass by the road side. He ordered his driver to stop and he got out to investigate.

"Why are you eating grass?" he asked one man.

"We don't have any money for food," the poor man replied.

"Oh, come along with me then."

"But sir, I have a wife with two children!"

"Bring them along! And you, come with us too!" he said to the other man.

"But sir, I have a wife with six children!" the second man answered.

"Bring them as well!"

They all climbed into the car, which was no easy task, even for a car as large as the limo.

Once underway, one of the poor fellows says, "Sir, you are too kind. Thank you for taking all of us with you."

The lawyer replied, "No problem, the grass at my home is about two feet tall."

[SmokeyGTi]

A man is lying in bed in the hospital with an oxygen mask over his mouth. A young nurse comes round to take his temperature

"Nurse", he mumbles from behind the mask, are my testicles black?"

Embarrassed, the young nurse replies, "I don't know, I'm only here to take your temperature

He struggles again to ask, nurse, are my testicles black?"

Finally, she pulls back the covers, raises his gown, holds his penis in one hand and his testicles in her other hand and takes a close look, and say's, "there's nothing wrong with them. They look just fine."

Finally, the man pulls off his oxygen mask and replies," that was really very nice but, are... my... test... results... back

[blue_toothbrush]

a man paint he house green and a cow eat it.

[joker]

^^

[saltydog]