stalest joke competiition

[COROLLA KID]

*what does Jamaicans say when they dont pay their water bill??


watta gwan "water gone".

*So I'm in bed with this chick and we've been laying there for some time, so I go: "Hey, are we gonna fcuk or what?" "You're being a bit presumptuous." She says. "Presumptuous? That's a big word for an 8 year old!"

*How do you get holy water? by boiling the hell out of it.

*three women trapped on an island
one blonde
one brunete
and one red head
a magic genie apprears and asks then each to wish for one thing to help them on the island but it couldnt be anything to help get them off the island just to help them live
the brunete says id like some food so when im hungry i can eat
bam she has an infinite supply of food for her and the other two girls
now the red head says i already have food so how bout something to drink
bam she gets an infinite supply of drink for her and the other two girls

now the blonde thinks for a b it and she says
i already have food i already have drink sooo


how bout a car door so when it gets hot i can roll the window down

*one day there were these two women were sitting quietly on a park bench minding their own business.....



*think about that for a moment*
_________________

[mitsuboi]

A friend of mine told me he had signed up with one of these on-line
dating services. I asked him the other day if he had had any luck and
he said he'd quit -- seems they'd matched him up with his wife. ....


My wife and I were watching some TV show the other nite where the wife
hired a private detective to follow her husband and see if he were in
fact "cheating" on her. I asked my wife if she would ever do that.

She said, "Well not so much to find out who the other woman was, but
to see if I could find out what she saw in ya."

[toyota2nr]

My padna house so small that the rat does have to walk bosy back.


1ching

[bushwakka]

^lol...

[Ronaldo95163]

It have ah man who does mind duck and he always guarding it with a shotgun. So 2 pipers decide they going and theif 3 ducks for christmas so piper 1 tell piper 2 about the drain running behind his fince and that they will crawl through it to get in his property and when he sees a duck that they can take he will shout duck. So they crawling through and piper 1 realises that they are being watched by the owner with his shotgun pointed at them so he tells piper 2 DUCK DUCK DUCK! and piper 2 stand up and say WHERE!?.....

[TEMPO]

meh padna so black he was eatin fruit cake for christmas an he bite he han ................haaaaaaaaaaaa !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

[speedfreak44]

manicu and gouti plan 2 go in ah party ah saturday....so manicu tell gouti to invite mr.crab...gouti went by mr crab and tell him bout d party..mr crab say no scenes he go pull true..so he ask gouti wat day is d party?? gouti tell him saturday...mr crab say 'na boi, i duz be tie up in d market on ah saturday'

[mitsu_chick941]

One day a young cowboy and cowgirl decided to get married. He was a man of the world. She was an innocent bride with no experience.

After the wedding they left for their honeymoon. While driving down the road, the new bride sees two cows having sex.

The new bride asks, "What are them cows up to honey?"

The husband, a bit flustered, answers, "Why can't you see? Them cows, they're roping!"

She replies, "Oh, I see!"

After a few more hours of driving they pass two horses having sex.

Again the bride asks, "What are them horses doing honey?"

The husband answers again, "Them horses, they're roping!"

She replies, "Oh, I see!"

Finally they arrive at their hotel. The couple washed up and started to get ready for bed. When they got in the bed, they start to explore each other's bodies. Things are going along fine until the bride discovers her husband's penis.

"Oh my!" she cries, "What is that?"

"Well, darlin'" he chuckles proudly, "That's ma'rope!"

She slides her hands down further and gasps, "Oh my goodness! What are those?" she asks.

"Honey, those're my knots!" he answers.

Finally the couple begins to make love. After several minutes the bride says, "Stop honey, wait a minute!"

Her husband, panting a little, asks, "What's the matter honey, am I hurting you?"

"No," the bride replies, "undo them damn knots, I need more rope!"

[viper1]

why did the squirrel cross the river doing a backstroke?











He didnt want to get is nuts wet

[speedfreak44]

^^^^^^
hahahaha

[COROLLA KID]

A man, dying from thirst, was crawling through the desert. He crawled over a hill and sees a little bar surrounded by cars. He crawls in the front door and up to the bar. He chokes out the word, "Water!"
The bartender looks at him and says, "Got any money?"
The guy shakes his head no and again says, "Water!"
The bartender says, "No money, no water."
The guy looks around and spots a spittoon. He tells the bartender, "Guess I'll have to drink this."
The bartender replies, "Be my guest, no money, no water."
Customers see the man drinking out of the spittoon, start getting sick and start rushing out the door in droves.
The bartender gets alarmed and tells the guy to stop, saying he was just kidding. The guy keeps on drinking. By now the bartender is in a panic as the place is almost empty. He pleads with the guy to stop drinking.
As the last customer leaves the guy puts the spittoon down and wipes his mouth off. The bartender asks, "Why did you keep on drinking? I told you I was just kidding."
The man responds, "I couldn't stop."
"Why not?" the bartender asks.
The guy replies, "Cos it was all one long string!"

[Kronik]

A man, dying from thirst, was crawling through the desert. He crawled over a hill and sees a little bar surrounded by cars. He crawls in the front door and up to the bar. He chokes out the word, "Water!"
The bartender looks at him and says, "Got any money?"
The guy shakes his head no and again says, "Water!"
The bartender says, "No money, no water."
The guy looks around and spots a spittoon. He tells the bartender, "Guess I'll have to drink this."
The bartender replies, "Be my guest, no money, no water."
Customers see the man drinking out of the spittoon, start getting sick and start rushing out the door in droves.
The bartender gets alarmed and tells the guy to stop, saying he was just kidding. The guy keeps on drinking. By now the bartender is in a panic as the place is almost empty. He pleads with the guy to stop drinking.
As the last customer leaves the guy puts the spittoon down and wipes his mouth off. The bartender asks, "Why did you keep on drinking? I told you I was just kidding."
The man responds, "I couldn't stop."
"Why not?" the bartender asks.
The guy replies, "Cos it was all one long string!"

[COROLLA KID]

A leper walked into a bar and sat down. The bartender glanced over and promptly threw up all over himself and the floor.
The leper looked hurt and said, "Hey, I know I'm not exactly handsome, but I do have feelings and you could be a little sensitive about them."
The bartender, wiping his mouth on his sleeve, looked up and proclaimed, "I'm sorry as hell man, but it wasn't you. That guy sitting next to you keeps dipping his crackers in your neck."

[COROLLA KID]

A boy in the sixth grade comes home after school one day. His mother notices that he's got a big smile on his face. She asks, "Did anything special happen at school today?"
"Yes, Mom. I had sex with my English teacher!"
The mother is stunned. "You're going to talk about this with your father when he gets home."
Well, when dad comes home and hears the news he is pleased as punch. Beaming with pride, he walks over to his son and says, "Son, I hear you had sex with your English teacher."
"That's right, Dad."
"Well, you became a man today - this is cause for celebration. Let's head out for some ice cream, and then I'll buy that new bike you've been asking for."
"That sounds great, Dad, but I can I have a football instead? My ass is killing me."

[bluesteel29]

[mitsu_chick941]

COROLLA KID, your idea of a joke is disgusting


bluesteel29,

spreadin ah cheeks

which? yuh butt cheeks?

[bluesteel29]

wam bai...u only ha cheeks on ya backside orrr?..ya eh see d smile?...if u need urs spread daz ting fuh pm tho

[rollingstock]

A young man turned 16 years, his father called him and told him that he is now ready to be a man and gives him $100 and tells him to go and have sex.
The boy whilst leaving the house meets his grandmother downstairs and she asked him what he is up to, the boy tells granny and she takes the money and haves sex with him.
The boy goes back upstairs and his father asks him how come he is back home that fast, he replies "I was going out and granny asked me what i was up to, when i told her she took the money and had sex with me."
The father outraged replies, "How the hell you can have sex with my mother?"











The boy replies, "You've been Fackin my mother and i don't say anything!"

[COROLLA KID]

COROLLA KID, your idea of a joke is disgusting

Stale food. bread, meat, anything STALE is disgusting....
what make's a joke any different????

[mitsu_chick941]

now really, i doubt u from princes town area

[COROLLA KID]

why's that????

[mitsu_chick941]

princess town area

anywayyyyyyyyyy


The year is 2222 and Mike and Maureen land on Mars after accumulating
enough frequent flier miles. They meet a Martian couple and are talking
about all sorts of things. Mike asks if Mars has a stock market, if
they have laptop computers, how they make money, etc. Finally, Maureen
bring up the subject of sex.
"Just how do you guys do it?" asks Maureen. "Pretty much the way
you do," responds the Martian.
Discussion ensues and finally the couples decide to swap partners
for the night and experience one another. Maureen and the male Martian
go off to a bedroom where the Martian strips. He's got only a teeny,
weeny member - about half an inch long and just a quarter inch thick.
"I don't think this is going to work," says Maureen.
"Why?" he asks, "What's the matter?"
"Well," she replies, "It's just not long enough to reach me!"
"No problem," he says, and proceeds to slap his forehead with
his palm. With each slap of his forehead, his member grows until
it's quite impressively long.
"Well," she says, "That's quite impressive, but it's still pretty
narrow...." "No problem," he says, and starts pulling his ears.
With each pull, his member grows wider and wider until the entire
measurement is extremely exciting to the woman.
"Wow!" she exclaims, as they fell into bed and made mad, passionate love.
The next day the couples rejoin their normal partners and go
their separate ways.
As they walk along, Mike asks "Well, was it any good?"
"I hate to say it," says Maureen, "but it was pretty wonderful.
How about you?"
"It was horrible," he replies, All I got was a headache.
All she kept doing the whole time was slapping my forehead and
pulling my ears."

[mitsu_chick941]

An older man had met a younger woman, but unfortunately he was unable to
last very long before he would orgasm during sex. A caring man, he was
concerned that he was disappointing his new lover,so he called his doctor
for advice.
The doc told him that masturbating before sex often helped men last
longer
during the act. The man decided, "What the hell, I'll try it."
He spent the rest of the day thinking about where to do it. He couldn't
do
it in his office. He thought about the restroom, but that was too open.
He considered an alley, but figured that was too unsafe.
Finally, he realized his solution. On his way home, he pulled his truck
over on the side of the highway.
He got out and crawled underneath as if he was examining the truck.
Satisfied with the privacy, he undid his pants and started to masturbate.
He closed his eyes and thought of his lover. As he grew
closer to orgasm, he felt a quick tug at the bottom of his pants. Not
wanting to lose his mental fantasy or the orgasm, he kept his eyes shut
and replied, "What?"
He heard, "This is the police. What the hell are you doing?"
The man replied, "I'm checking out the rear axle, it's busted."
The cop says, "Well, you better check your brakes too, because your truck
rolled down the hill 5 minutes ago.

[COROLLA KID]

i meant why did you doubt i was from P town!.. hottgyul!!??.....

neways this one's for you for being such... "A gud sport" :


A fellow was on his honeymoon near his favorite fishing lake and he would fish from dawn to dark with his favorite fishing guide.
One day the guide, friend of many years, mentioned that the honeymoon seemed to be spent fishing.
"Yes, but you know how I love to fish..."
"But aren't you newlyweds supposed to be into something else?"
"Yes, but she's got gonorrhea; and you know how I love to fish"
A few hours later, "I understand, but that's not the only way to have sex."
"I know, but she's got diarrhea; and you know how I love to fish..."
The following day: "Sure, but that's still not the only way to have sex."
"Yeah, but she's got phyrrea; and you know how I love to fish..."
Late that afternoon, thoroughly frustrated the guide comments, "I guess I'm not sure why you'd marry someone with health problems like that."
"It's 'cause she's also got worms; and you know I just love to fish..."

[rollingstock]

Dude yuh disgusting

[mitsu_chick941]

:fadein: i meant why did you doubt i was from P town!.. hottgyul!!??.....

u spelt it wrong


anywayyyyyyyyyyyyyyy

Two men from Texas were sitting at a bar, when a young lady nearby began to choke on a hamburger. She gasped and gagged, and one Texan turned to the other and said, That little gal is havin' a bad time. I'm agonna go over there and help."
He ran over to the young lady, held both sides of her head in his big, Texan hands, and asked, "Kin ya swaller?" Gasping, she shook her head no. He asked, "Kin ya breathe?" Still gasping, she again shook her head no.

With that, he yanked up her skirt, pulled down her panties and licked her on the butt. The young woman was so shocked that she coughed up the piece of hamburger and began to breathe on her own. The Texan sat back down with his friend and said, "Ya know, it's sure amazin' how that hind-lick maneuver always works."

[COROLLA KID]

^^gud one

oh....i meant to do that.....

[MG Man]

what u call a deer with only no eyes?
no-eye-deer
what do u call a deer with nop eyes and no legs?
still-no-eye-deer
What do you do with a dog with no legs?
Take it for a drag

[rollingstock]

what u call a deer with only no eyes?
no-eye-deer
what do u call a deer with nop eyes and no legs?
still-no-eye-deer
What do you do with a dog with no legs?
Take it for a drag

mg man yuh spoil it

What do you call a deer with no eyes?
No eye deer!

What do you call a deer with no eyes and no legs?
Still no eye deer!

What do you call a deer with no eyes, no legs and no penis?
Still no 4king eye deer!

[lighthammer]

What does oral-sex in a Nursing home taste like?
- *shrugs*.... Depends, I guess.


My old man got admitted to St. Anns Psychiatric Hospital today - he'd set up a traffic detour to go through his front lawn.
I should have seen it coming though, the signs were all there.


What did the egg say to the pot of boiling water?
It might take me a couple minutes to get hard, I just got laid.


I went to a wedding this past weekend, had a great time; the DJ played some great songs.
He played "Twist" so I did the Twist.
He played "Jump" so I jumped.
He then played "Come on Eileen" and I got kicked out .


Some puns for you:
A man's home is his castle, in a manor of speaking.

Dijon vu - the same mustard as before.

Practice safe eating - always use condiments.

Shotgun wedding - A case of wife or death.

A man needs a mistress just to break the monogamy.

A hangover is the wrath of grapes.

Dancing cheek-to-cheek is really a form of floor play.

Does the name Pavlov ring a bell?