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By By Cedriann J Martin
Story Created: Aug 5, 2011 ECT
Story Updated: Aug 5, 2011 at 11:53 PM ECT
Online comment threads are often as revealing about our country as the sad stories to which they're attached. To wit—15-month-old Genesis Courier ambled outside into the dark last weekend. His teen mother had gone to the parlour a few houses away and his three-month-old sister stayed where she was left. But Genesis ventured to the back of the house where he drowned in an open cesspit.
Now, Trinidadians, have your say:
"People should know the conditions they living in and not decide to pop out another child as soon as one popped out!"
"The only shop open that late is a rum shop. Parlour my foot. Daddy gone to work, mammy gone to play, baby gone to heaven."
"So late she gone in de shop? Like she went to look for a man, cuz she had all evening to go in the shop."
Nice. Now wash your mouth on this one: 15-year-old Rehana Nandlal kills herself. 52-year-old Hydar Mohammed, her school safety officer and, allegedly, (what the newspapers call) her "lover", commits suicide shortly thereafter. Ready? Set? Okay: go.
"I was always an advocate for laws to punish the girls also. This girl was apparently a good secret keeper and from what the media allows us to understand I can infer she knew what she was doing was wrong."
"I was watching Crime Watch and if allyuh see the things she wrote in her diary eh. It was pitiful."
Of course. Don't just hand over the diary to the police to assist in their investigations. Nah man. Give it to Ian Alleyne so that he can broadcast its earnest, handwritten entries for the whole country to see. He'd be sure to highlight the salacious parts—anything hinting at sex or death—with red ink and righteous indignation. And just like we lap up footage of fresh corpses and bullet-ridden bodies, we'll savour every disturbing detail while standing in judgment.
Let's go again: Vonetta Haynes-Reyes and her two young sons are slaughtered in their La Horquetta home. The children's necks are chopped; her throat is punctured. Their bodies are strewn on the beds. One week later a police source tells a reporter that there's a possible sex site link. The reporter helpfully informs us that "the sole purpose of the adult site was to assist individuals wishing to have sex with other people, discreetly and confidentially". Express runs this as front page news.
"Having insight into how she lived will give insight into how she died. No one has discreet sex for free. Stop being two-faced people. It is obvious what kind of person this woman was and what kind of things she exposed her kids to."
And for the win: "The children are the victims here, she is just collateral damage because of her choices. Her funeral might take place in a church and good things will be said but the harsh reality to believers in Christ is that fornicators and adulterers have no place in God's kingdom."
A fleeting aside: just one week after the sex site story an arrest is made. The suspect isn't an online predator but the family's neighbour. The motive, according to the police, was theft rather than passion. But never mind that. No opportunity should be lost to drag a woman's name through the mud. Not even if she's dead. And especially if she's pretty.
From the stories of missing teens who turn up wandering Morvant or window-shopping in West Mall to those of schoolgirls having sex on camera or dancing in night clubs, there's a kneejerk reaction by many of us to rain fire and brimstone. They bad and big up. Hormonal and hot. Whatever ill-fortune has befallen them—whether shame or death—a good dose of victim-blaming and unfounded character assassination is in order. I say "unfounded" because whatever we might read in the paper and whichever intensely personal tidbits we might pick up from an evening crime show, we don't know the truth of people's experiences, challenges and motivations.
Slut-shaming is the attacking of women and girls for being sexual. And it's our default setting anytime we're faced with a story that involves females, tragedy and some element of sex. That isn't to say that everybody should just shut up about these issues. There are lots of conversations to be had and an essential element of those dialogues has to be people's agency and responsibility for their actions.
But tell me: when are we going to talk about access to sex education for all our children so that whenever they start having sex, whether at 14 or 41, they know how to prevent pregnancy and sexually transmitted infections? How will we go about providing sexual and reproductive health services to all people, including minors? When are we going to address the link between poverty and high fertility with something more than our ex-PM's advice to "forget sex, watch TV"? When are we going to provide resources at the school and community levels so that children coping with loss and searching for a sense of belonging aren't left for dead? What are we doing to ensure that predators masquerading as trusted adults aren't allowed continuous access to our children in schools? How about having intelligent conversations about the definite dangers of online hook-ups while acknowledging that consenting adults are increasingly accessing both relationships and sex through the internet?
And mind you, this isn't just a women's issue. There's a similar rash reaction when we are confronted with tales of males and violence. How many of our men and boys do we label monsters without ever asking how they ended up that way? What neglect, or sexual abuse, or beatings did they endure before becoming murderers, rapists and thieves? How did they coast in and out of our school systems without someone noticing or caring that they couldn't understand what was being taught in the way it was being taught? Are we ever going to make an effort to identify and treat mental illness and hidden disabilities before they explode in red?
Thankfully the majority of online commentators do have a sense of compassion and an appreciation of context. We need to build on those things if we want to come up with solutions to our many problems. But if our only goal is to feel morally superior to all the sex-craved sluts and demons roaming T&T, well, nevermind.
PapaDouen wrote:That's a really good article! A 15 year old girl holds hands with her 1 year old son. People call her a slut, no one knows she could have been raped at 13. People call another guy fat. No one knows if he has a serious disease causing him to be overweight. People call an old man ugly. No one knew if it's because of a serious injury to his face while fighting for his country in the war.
Should get all the facts before saying anything... hope Ian understands this!
G-T wrote:and there are two sides of every story..
SMc wrote:G-T wrote:and there are two sides of every story..
3 sides..one being the absolute truth
PapaDouen wrote:Someone aborted their baby at the Funky Monkey Anniversary Party... whatever that is.
PapaDouen wrote:That's a really good article! A 15 year old girl holds hands with her 1 year old son. People call her a slut, no one knows she could have been raped at 13. People call another guy fat. No one knows if he has a serious disease causing him to be overweight. People call an old man ugly. No one knew if it's because of a serious injury to his face while fighting for his country in the war.
foss wrote:PapaDouen wrote:That's a really good article! A 15 year old girl holds hands with her 1 year old son. People call her a slut, no one knows she could have been raped at 13. People call another guy fat. No one knows if he has a serious disease causing him to be overweight. People call an old man ugly. No one knew if it's because of a serious injury to his face while fighting for his country in the war.
well said..
altec wrote:For those who are making crass judgements; environment has a lot to do with who you are. Watch "trading places" an 80s movie.
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