stalest joke competiition

[mindxlabz]

Allyuh hear what happen to the authentication protocol?








It got CHAP

Lmao... nice 1

[Ronaldo95163]

Hear dis one


Ah woman who was having a baby went to the hospital. When she woke up from delivering her baby the doctor told her that she had twins and that her brother took the babies to name them. The woman said," Oh my gosh my brother is an idiot, what did he name the children?" The doctor said that he named the first one denise and the second one nephew......

lol...nice try actually he named the boy de-nephew

lol

[wheelbarrow]

Attention all:
The sexual position formerly known as 69 will now be known as 79. KFC has increased their prices therefore everything else we eat must also go up.....
Regards Management...

[homeboy]

A priest offered a Nun a lift.

She got in and crossed her legs, forcing her gown to reveal a leg.

The priest nearly had an accident.

After controlling the car, he stealthily slid his hand up her leg.

The nun said, 'Father, remember Psalm 129?'

The priest removed his hand. But, changing gears, he let his hand slide up her leg again.
The nun once again said, 'Father, remember Psalm 129?'

The priest apologized 'Sorry sister but the flesh is weak.'

Arriving at the convent, the nun sighed heavily and went on her way.

On his arrival at the church, the priest rushed to look up Psalm 129. It said, 'Go forth and seek, further up, you will find glory.'

[turbosingh]

A priest offered a Nun a lift.

She got in and crossed her legs, forcing her gown to reveal a leg.

The priest nearly had an accident.

After controlling the car, he stealthily slid his hand up her leg.

The nun said, 'Father, remember Psalm 129?'

The priest removed his hand. But, changing gears, he let his hand slide up her leg again.
The nun once again said, 'Father, remember Psalm 129?'

The priest apologized 'Sorry sister but the flesh is weak.'

Arriving at the convent, the nun sighed heavily and went on her way.

On his arrival at the church, the priest rushed to look up Psalm 129. It said, 'Go forth and seek, further up, you will find glory.'

[nos_specialist]

What wud Kodak say if he saw Sony kicking Samsung's ass


































OH SNAP.....

[music man]

Hear dis one


Ah woman who was having a baby went to the hospital. When she woke up from delivering her baby the doctor told her that she had twins and that her brother took the babies to name them. The woman said," Oh my gosh my brother is an idiot, what did he name the children?" The doctor said that he named the first one denise and the second one nephew......






hhahahahhaha buhdowww

[CS3A_GLX]

and u rel late fadda. stale like jail bread now

[K74T]

Study izza repost too

[mitsuboi]

A Jamaican man went into a store and picked up a bottle of Ribeana and a bag of sugar and only paid for the Ribeana and walked out.....he got arrested for stealing the sugar and when he went to court the Judge asked him why he stole the sugar.........he then replied......Yuh Honor....mi nah tief no sugar.....mi look pon de back ah de Ribeana an it say sugar free so me nah undastan wah gwan......

[mitsuboi]

‎​A girl sending a msg to her lover:
" If you are sleeping, send me your dream ;;)
If you are crying, send me your tears ({})
And if you are laughing, send me your laugh <3<3"
The lover replied back:
" I am in the toilet, u need anything ?? =D

[mitsuboi]

A drunk man who smelled like beer sat down on a subway next to a priest. The man ' s tie was stained, his face was plastered with red lipstick, and a half-empty bottle of gin was sticking out of his torn coat pocket.    He   opened his newspaper and began reading. After a few minutes the man   turned to the priest and asked,     ' Say Father,   what causes arthritis? ' The priest replies, ' My Son, it ' s    caused by loose living, being with   cheap, wicked women, too much alcohol, contempt for your fellow man, sleeping around with prostitutes,  and lack of a bath. ' The drunk muttered in response, 'Well, I ' ll be  damned, '    Then returned to   his paper. The priest, thinking about what  he had said, nudged the man   and   apologized.    ' I ' m very sorry.    I didn 't mean to come on so strong.    How long   have you had arthritis? ' The drunk answered, ' I don ' t have it, Father.    I was just reading herethat the Pope does. ' :s

[mitsuboi]

‎​Oscar Weil and Benjamin Oppenheimer are Jews, and were sitting in a Chinese restaurant in Shanghai."Oscar," asked Benjie, "Are there any Jews in China ?""I don't know," Oscar replied. "Why don't we ask the waiter?" When the waiter came by, Benjie asked him, "Are there any Jews here in Shanghai ?""I don't know sir, let me ask," the waiter replied, and he went into the kitchen. He returned in a few minutes and said, "No sir, there are none.""Are you sure?" Benjie asked."I will check again, sir" the waiter replied and went back to the kitchen. While he was still gone, Oscar said, "I cannot believe there are no Jews in China , our people are scattered everywhere."When the waiter returned he said, "Sir, we certainly do not have them.""Are you really sure?" Benjie asked again. "I cannot believe there are none in China." "Sir, I asked everyone," the waiter replied exasperated."We have orange Jews, apple Jews, tomato Jews and grape Jews, but no one ever hear of China Jews!If you want, we have Chinese Tea.

[mitsuboi]

Suspicious Wife     The husband and his young wife were not on good terms. In fact the wife was convinced that he was carrying on with the pretty housemaid, so she laid a trap. One evening she suddenly sent Ekaette home for the weekend, and didn't inform the husband. That night when they went to bed, the husband gave the old story: "Excuse me my dear........my stomach," and disappeared towards the bathroom. The wife promptly dashed along the corridor, up the back stairs, into the maid's bed. She just had time to switch the lights off when in he came silently.......... He wasted no time or words but quickly took out his willy, and got on top of her. When he finished and still panting, the wife said You didn't expect to find me in this bed did you!!" and switched on the light. "No madam, said the gardener"

[Toyopet]

A lesbian goes into a brothel and asks for the prettiest, youngest girl availible. The owner replies, "Sorry, we don't sell minors to lickers"

What do you call four mexicans who can't swim?
Quatro Sinco

What do you call two mexicans playing basketball?
Juan on Juan!

[homeboy]

THE WEDDING TEST

I was a very happy man. My wonderful girlfriend

and I had been dating for over a year, and so we

decided to get married. There was only one

little thing bothering me....It was her beautiful

younger sister.


My prospective sister-in-law was twenty-two, wore very

tight miniskirts, and generally was bra-less. She

would regularly bend down when she was near

me, and I always got more than a nice view. It had to

be deliberate. Because she never did it when she was

near anyone else.


One day her 'little' sister called and asked me to

come over to check the wedding invitations. She was

alone when I arrived, and she whispered to me that she

had feelings and desires for me that she couldn't

overcome.. She told me that she wanted me just once

before I got married and committed my life to her sister.

Well, I was in total shock, and couldn't say a word.

She said, 'I'm going upstairs to my bedroom, and if

you want one last wild fling, just come up and get me.'


I was stunned and frozen in shock as I watched her go

up the stairs. I stood there for a moment, then turned

and made a beeline straight to the front door. I

opened the door, and headed straight towards my car.

Lord... and behold, my entire future family was standing

outside, all clapping!


With tears in his eyes, my father-in-law hugged me and

said, 'We are very happy that you have passed our

little test. We couldn't ask for a better

man for our daughter. Welcome to the family.'

And the moral of this story is:


Always keep your condoms in the car!!!

[MBC Autotronix]

Horny girlfriend in bed spreads her LEGS wide & asks her new virgin boyfriend..."do u know what i want ? "

Boyfriend : " i know u naughty girl u....You want to sleep alone on entire bed"

lol

[partsman]

I once set up a dating service for chickens , thinking it would make me rich...but it was a struggle to make hens meet .

[jjcp]

Paddy has broken his leg and his buddy Mick comes over to see him.

Mick says, "How you doin?"



"Paddy says, "Okay, but do me a favour mate, run upstairs and get me slippers, me feet are freezing."

Mick goes upstairs and sees Paddy's gorgeous 19-year-old twin daughters lying on the Bed.

He says, "Your dad's sent me up here to have sex with both of you."

They say, "Get away with ya.... prove it."


Mick shouts downstairs, "Paddy, both of em?"

Paddy shouts back, "Of course both of em, what's the point of fuggin one?"

[DFC]

lol...hahahahaha

[Ronaldo95163]

Hear dis one


Ah woman who was having a baby went to the hospital. When she woke up from delivering her baby the doctor told her that she had twins and that her brother took the babies to name them. The woman said," Oh my gosh my brother is an idiot, what did he name the children?" The doctor said that he named the first one denise and the second one nephew......






hhahahahhaha buhdowww

[nos_specialist]

this is a classic



























































WAIT FOR ITTTTT...


































































ALMOST THERE..........


























































































































PHLLLBBBBTTTTT......

[rollingstock]

^^^

[axe]

The Attorney General wanted to see how effective the CIA, FBI and NYPD were, so he took a team from each to the woods and told them a wanted rabbit escaped in the woods.

The FBI went in first and after 48hours came out and said the rabbit escaped. The AG spat in disgust.

The CIA went in after and 48hours later came out and said the rabbit was found, debriefed, and is no longer a threat but is now an asset. The AG said they were full of sh#it.

The NYPD went in and after 2 hours a bear came running out of the woods bleeding with arms in the air screaming:
"OK, OK, I'm the Rabbit!"

[hong kong phooey]

Took a dyslexic bird home last night, and she ended up cooking my sock!



Couple driving home and run over a Badger, they get out to find it was still breathing but very cold.
Husband says "put it between your legs to warm it up"
Wife replies "but it`s all wet and it stinks"
Husband replies.." well hold the Badgers nose then!"


A man was caught masturbating in a newspaper stall.
Apparently it's all over the papers

[lighthammer]

A cowboy rode into town and stopped at a saloon for a drink. Unfortunately, the locals always had a habit of picking on strangers, which he was. When he finished his drink, he found his horse had been stolen. He went back into the bar, handily flipped his gun into the air, caught it above his head without even looking and fired a shot into the ceiling.

"Which one of you sidewinders stole my horse?!?!?" he yelled with surprising forcefulness. No one answered. "Alright, I'm gonna have another beer, and if my horse ain't back outside by the time I finish, I'm gonna do what I dun in Texas! And I don't like to have to do what I dun in Texas!" Some of the locals shifted restlessly. The man, true to his word, had another beer, walked outside, and his horse has been returned to the post.

He saddled up and started to ride out of town. The bartender wandered out of the bar and asked, "Say partner, before you go... what happened in Texas?" The cowboy turned back and said, "I had to walk home."

[rossi]

Ah have one!

Ah man walk into a bar with a pair of jumper cables around his neck.

The bar man says, "yuh cud drink all yuh want....buh doh start nutten!"

[sharkman121]

^

[ek4ever]

A doctor phones a man at home and says "Your wife is down here for some tests but the lab mixed up the results so she either has Aids or Alzheimer's"

The man replies "What the hell I'm I supposed to do?"

Doc says "I'm gonna put her on the wrong bus, if she finds her way home don't fcuk her"

[wheel whores]

don't know if its a re-post


a p u s s y is the thing between a woman's legs.
a c u n t is the man who thinks he owns it.