stalest joke competiition

[COROLLA KID]

Two ducks walked into a bar.

The bartender called Animal Control.

[COROLLA KID]

A lady walks into a building and says to the clerk, " I'd like a cheeseburger, a drink, and fries." The clerk says, "This is a library." Then the lady whispers, "Sorry, I'd like a cheeseburger, a drink and fries.

[COROLLA KID]

So this monkey walks in a bar and is like... actually I forgot the rest of the joke but your mom is a whore.

[COROLLA KID]

-knock knock

-come in

seriously, do this if someone tries to do a knock knock joke to you

[COROLLA KID]

A Jew, a black man and a Scot walk into a bar.

The bartender says "is this some sort of joke?"

[devrat]

In pharmacology, all drugs have two names, a trade name and a generic name. For example, the trade name of Tylenol has a generic name of acetaminophen. Aleve is also called naproxen. Amoxil is also called amoxicillin and Advil is also called ibuprofen.

The FDA has been looking for a generic name for Viagra. After careful consideration by a team of government experts, it recently announced that it has settled on the generic name of... mycoxafloppin.

Also considered were mycoxafailin, mydixadrupin, mydixarizin, mydixadud, dixafix, and of course, ibepokin.

[biggy82]

In pharmacology, all drugs have two names, a trade name and a generic name. For example, the trade name of Tylenol has a generic name of acetaminophen. Aleve is also called naproxen. Amoxil is also called amoxicillin and Advil is also called ibuprofen.

The FDA has been looking for a generic name for Viagra. After careful consideration by a team of government experts, it recently announced that it has settled on the generic name of... mycoxafloppin.

Also considered were mycoxafailin, mydixadrupin, mydixarizin, mydixadud, dixafix, and of course, ibepokin.

ahahahahahahahahahahaha!!!! **dies**

[drawersdropper]

A wife was making a breakfast of fried eggs for her husband. Suddenly, her husband burst into the kitchen.

"Careful," he said, "CAREFUL! Put in some more butter! Oh my GOD! You're cooking too many at once. TOO MANY! Turn them! TURN THEM NOW! We need more butter. Oh my GOD! WHERE are we going to get MORE BUTTER? They're going to
STICK! Careful ... CAREFUL! I said be CAREFUL! You NEVER listen to me when you're cooking! Never! Turn them! Hurry up! Are you CRAZY? Have you LOST your mind? Don't forget to salt them. You know you always forget to salt them. Use the salt. USE THE SALT! THE SALT!"

The wife stared at him. "What in the world is wrong with you?

You think I don't know how to fry a couple of eggs?"

The husband calmly replied,
"I just wanted to show you what it feels like when I'm driving."

[drawersdropper]

A man was driving down the road He passed a traffic camera and saw it flash. Astounded that he had been caught speeding when he was doing the speed limit, he turned around and going even slower, he passed by the camera. Again, he saw it flash. He couldn't believe it! So he turned and going a snail's pace, he passed the camera. AGAIN, he saw the camera flash. He guessed it must have a fault and home he went.

Four weeks later he received three traffic fines in the mail, all for not wearing a seatbelt.

[drawersdropper]

Two guys met in the middle of the desert .One was carrying a car door, the other an umbrella.

The one with the car door said to the guy with the umbrella, "Why are you carrying that umbrella around, it isn't going to rain in the desert?" To which the guy with the umbrella replies, "Yeah”, but it keeps me out of the sun!

By the way, why are you carrying around that car door, you don’t even have a car to go with it” The guy with the car door says, "yeah, well at least if I get too hot from the sun I can just roll down the window and get some breeze !

[drawersdropper]

Three padnas talking bout if they in they casket and friends and family are mourning over them, what they would like to hear them say 'bout them?

The first fella say, "I would like to hear them say that I was a great doctor, and a great family man."

The second fella say, "I would like to hear that I was a wonderful husband and school teacher who mek a huge difference in the children of tomorrow."

The third fella say, "I would like to hear them say......LOOK DEY, HE MOVING!!!!!"

[drawersdropper]

A man died and went to Heaven. As he stood in front of the Pearly Gates, he saw a huge wall of clocks behind him. He asked, "What are all those clocks?" St. Peter answered, "Those are Lie-Clocks. Everyone has a Lie-Clock. Every time you lie the hands on your clock move." "Oh", said the man. "Whose clock is that?" "That's Mother Teresa's", replied St. Peter. "The hands have Never moved, indicating that she never told a lie." "Incredible", said the man. "And whose clock is that one?" St. Peter responded, "That's Abraham Lincoln's clock. The hands have moved twice, telling us that Abraham told only two lies in his entire life." "Where's Patrick Manning's clock?" asked the man. "Manning's clock is in my office. I'm using it as a ceiling fan.

[drawersdropper]

Five Caribbean Surgeons are discussing who makes the best patients to operate on.

The first a Cuban surgeon says,
"I like to see accountants on my operating table, because when you open them up, everything inside is numbered."

The second a Jamaican responds, "Yeah, but you should try electricians!
Everything inside them is colour coded."

The third a Barbadian surgeon says, "No, I really think librarians are the best;
everything inside them is in alphabetical order."

The fourth a Guyanese surgeon chimes in: "You know, I like construction workers...
those guys always understand when you have a few parts left over

But the fifth a Trinidadian surgeon shut them all up when he observed:
"You' re all wrong. Politicians are the easiest to operate on.
There's no guts, no heart, no balls, no brains and no spine, and the head and the butt are interchangeable.

[rollingstock]

Take win with that last one

[gastly369]

A woman stuck her head into a hair salon and asked, 'How long before I can get a wash & curl?' The beautician looked around the salon full of customers and said, 'about 2 hours.' The woman left. A few days later, the same woman stuck her head in the door and asked, ' how long before I can get a wash & curl?' The beautician looked around at the salon and said,' about 3 hours.' The woman left. A week later, the same woman stuck her head in the salon and asked, ' How long before I can get a wash & curl?' The beautician looked around the salon and said, 'about a hour and a half.' The woman left. The beautician turned to her friend and said, 'Aye Chandra, do meh a favor. Follow dah woman and see where she goes. She keeps asking how long she has to wait for a wash & curl, but then she doesn't ever come back.' A little while later, Chandra returned to the salon, laughing hysterically. The beautician asked, 'So, where does that woman go when she leaves?' Chandra looked up, wiped the tears from her eyes and said, 'Yuh man house

[sharkman121]

Grenadian drinks his beer and suddenly throws his glass in the air, pulls out his pistol and shoots the glass to pieces. He says, "In Grenada our glasses are so cheap we don't need to drink from the same glass twice"

A Guyanese, obviously impressed by this, drinks his beer, throws his glass into the air, pulls out his sawed-off shot gun and shoots the glass to pieces. He says, "In Guyana we have so much sand to make glasses that we don't need to drink out of the same glass twice either."

A Trini Bus driver, cool as a cucumber, picks up his beer and drinks it, throws his glass into the air, pulls out his 9mm gun and shoots the Grenadian and the Guyanese, and catches his glass. He says, "In trinidad, we have so many Grenadians and Guyanese that we don't have to drink with the same ones twice.

[sr20 sleeper]

Two guys met in the middle of the desert .One was carrying a car door, the other an umbrella.

The one with the car door said to the guy with the umbrella, "Why are you carrying that umbrella around, it isn't going to rain in the desert?" To which the guy with the umbrella replies, "Yeah”, but it keeps me out of the sun!

By the way, why are you carrying around that car door, you don’t even have a car to go with it” The guy with the car door says, "yeah, well at least if I get too hot from the sun I can just roll down the window and get some breeze !

[mitsuboi]

^^^ Steups ....that joke got beat out worst than a badting on a friday nite


Year aftr year aftr year for bout 15 yrs I keep hearing it ....wine dwn d glass..steups

[rollingstock]

Grenadian drinks his beer and suddenly throws his glass in the air, pulls out his pistol and shoots the glass to pieces. He says, "In Grenada our glasses are so cheap we don't need to drink from the same glass twice"

A Guyanese, obviously impressed by this, drinks his beer, throws his glass into the air, pulls out his sawed-off shot gun and shoots the glass to pieces. He says, "In Guyana we have so much sand to make glasses that we don't need to drink out of the same glass twice either."

A Trini Bus driver, cool as a cucumber, picks up his beer and drinks it, throws his glass into the air, pulls out his 9mm gun and shoots the Grenadian and the Guyanese, and catches his glass. He says, "In trinidad, we have so many Grenadians and Guyanese that we don't have to drink with the same ones twice.

Tr1ad would not be pleased

[drawersdropper]

yo mitsuboi read d name of d ched

[mitsuboi]

^^^ lol but it was also a repost

[ToPdAwG]

Two ah d stalest.....

#1: A man paint his house green.......An a cow pass an eat it!!!!


#2: What is d formula to find d area of a COW.....

answer: 2 BEEF PIE (daz for d ppl dat know maths)

[devrat]

The LAPD, The FBI, and the CIA are all trying to prove that they are the best at apprehending criminals. The President decides to give them a test. He releases a rabbit into a forest and has each of them try to catch it.

The CIA goes in. They place animal informants throughout the forest. They question all plant and mineral witnesses. After three months of extensive investigations they conclude that rabbits do not exist.

Then the FBI goes in. After two weeks with no leads they burn the forest, killing everything in it, including the rabbit, and they make no apologies. The rabbit had it coming.

Then the LAPD goes in. They come out two hours later with a badly beaten raccoon. The raccoon is yelling: "Okay! Okay! I'm a rabbit! I'm a rabbit!

-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

A man is dating three women and wants to decide which to marry. He decides to give them a test. He gives each woman a present of $5,000 and watches to see what she does with the money.

The first does a total make over. She goes to a fancy beauty salon, gets her hair done new make up and buys several new outfits and dresses up very nicely for the man. She tells him that she has done this to be more attractive for him because she loves him so much. The man was impressed.

The second goes shopping to buy the man gifts. She gets him a new set of golf clubs, some new gizmos for his computer, and some expensive clothes. As she presents these gifts, she tells him that she has spent all the money on him because she loves him so much. Again, the man is impressed.

The third invests the money in the stock market. She earns several times the $5,000. She gives him back his $5,000 and reinvests the remainder in a joint account. She tells him that she wants to save for their future because she loves him so much. Obviously, the man was impressed. The man thought for a long time about what each woman had done with the money that he'd given her.

Then, he married the one with the biggest tits and best a$$

[evo_chic]

ah man drinkin in a bar all night, so the bartender finally says to everyone that the bar is closing. de man stand up to leave and fall flat on he face.

he try to stand up, one more time, same result. well he figure, he guh crawl outside and get some fresh air and maybe dat guh sober him up. but de man reach outside, stand up and fall flat on he face.

d man decide to crawl all d 4 miles home and wen he stand up by d door, (you guessed it) BOOPS! he fall flat on he face again. man crawl up the stairs, to his bedroom, try to stand up, fall again, but this time he ketch d bed and fall asleep rel fast as he hit d pillow.

so when d man wake up next mornin, he wife dey stand up right next to him, shouting "yuh was by de bar drinkin rum again all nite las nite, ENT?!"

calmly, d man put on he innocent face and ask "why yuh guh say ah ting like dat for, i--???"

she abruptly replies, "d bartender call and say yuh leave yuh blasted wheel chair dey again!"

[jeepers]

There’s two fish in a tank. One turns to the other and says

‘You man the guns, I’ll drive’

What did Batman say to Robin before they got in the car? "Robin! Get in the car!"

[sharkman121]

hoss dat rellllllllllllllll stale

[Bizzare]

There’s two fish in a tank. One turns to the other and says

‘You man the guns, I’ll drive’

What did Batman say to Robin before they got in the car? "Robin! Get in the car!"

YUH WIN....THE LEVEL OF STALE IS HILARIOUS ALL ON ITS OWN

[jeepers]

aye aye. is stale jokes competition......


and i think i can wind this ting.

[mammoo]

A Trinidadian and his wife are traveling by car from Key West to Boston.
After almost twenty-four hours on the road, they're too tired to continue,
and they decide to stop for a rest.

They stop at a really nice hotel and take a room, but they only plan to
sleep for four hours and then get back on the road.

When they check out four hours later, the desk clerk hands them a Bill for $350.

The Trinidadian explodes and demands to know why the charge is so high.
He tells the clerk although it's a nice hotel, the rooms certainly aren't
worth $350. When the clerk tells him $350 is the standard rate, the
Trinidadian insists on speaking to the Manager.

The Manager appears, listens to the Trinidadian, and then explains that the hotel
has an Olympic- sized pool and a huge conference
center that were available for
the Trinidadian and wife to use.

"But we didn't use them", the Trinidadian complains. "Well, they are here,
and you could have," explains the Manager.

The Manager goes on to explain they could have taken in one of the shows
for which the hotel is famous. "The best entertainers from New
York, Hollywood and Las Vegas perform here," the Manager says.

"But we didn't go to any of those shows," complains the
Trinidadian again.
"Well, we have them, and you could have", the Manager replies.

No matter what facility the Manager mentions, the Trinidadian replies, "But
we didn't use it!"

The Manager is unmoved, and eventually the Trinidadian gives up
and agrees to pay.

He writes a check and gives it to the Manager.

The Manager is surprised when he looks at the check.

"But sir," he says, "this check is only made out for $50."
"That's right," says the Trinidadian .
"I charged you $300 for sleeping with my wife."
"But I didn't!" exclaims the Manager.
"Well," the Trinidadian replies, "she was here, and you could have."

[jcrew]

With all the sadness and trauma going on in the world at the moment, it is worth reflecting on the death of a very important person, which almost went unnoticed last week.
Larry LaPrise, the man who wrote "The Hokey Pokey," died peacefully at age 93.
The most traumatic part for his family was getting him into the coffin. They put his left leg in. And that's when the trouble started...